The blood in the snow looked like a Cherry Icee©. Blitzen lay dead, shot through the heart by a high powered marshmallow gun. None of the other reindeer claimed to have heard the shot. Typical.

I took one final drag of my candy cigarette before starting to chew the gum inside.

Last night a bunch of the other elves had gotten tooted up on Ecstasy spiked egg nog and went tooling around the village in Santa’s sleigh. You can’t imagine the paperwork. Santa loves paperwork. Well, with a Naughty and a Nice List, are you surprised?

My name’s Pipplechip. I’m three foot tall.

And I’m a cop.